Blowouts.

And I am not talking about clearance sales. I am here to talk about poo. Lots of it. Conner has managed to have 7 blowouts since Sunday morning. So the story goes:

  

Sunday: I changed him and thought all was well. He was happy, I was happy, and all of a sudden.... one word- Hiroshima. So I changed him again and while I was getting the second diaper on, he did it again. Boom, boom, and ker-plop. All over my arm, changing table and fresh clean diaper. I had to contain that nuclear zone so I put him on floor to get his diaper. As I am making the transfer from changing station to floor he got all excited and giggly that he kicked his feet (toes) into the poo. Yes, now I had no changing table to clean him on and I wasn't about to put him on the floor. SO single handily (literally) I managed to clean his toes. Note: I am freaking out. After his toes were all clean I put him on the floor to stick his diaper on. As I am putting the diaper under his sweet little bum, he thought it would be a good time to pee on me. For those of you who don't know about Conner pee.... its like a hybrid of Old Faithful and Niagara Falls. Conner pee seems to go up and out and side to side and then up again. And when you think you are in the clear, like clockwork, he manages to whip out another gallon. Pretty smooth right? Note: I am frozen and completely in shock. This was my 4th diaper. I scooted him over on a clean area of his room that hadn't been bombarded with "B.F." (bodily fluids). I finally tamed the beast.

Wait I'm not done. Later in the day, I put Conner in his jumperoo so he could watch 'Word World' and he started to do the poo chant. I took him out and went in to change him again. It had COMPLETELY splurged out of every single side of his diaper. I am talking up the back, up the front (just shy of the belly button region), down his legs and all over his outfit. Blowout #2

Right before Mark got home, I was in the bedroom working on something and Conner was sitting on my lap. At this point I didn't think he had anymore ammo. Boy was I wrong. He started plopping those suckers out faster than I could respond. I set him down to change him. Because of my pure genial complexion, I didn't change him in his room on the changer like I usually do. I changed him right next to where I was working. DUMB IDEA.. that's all I have to say. Oh and poo and sheets DON'T mix.

My sheets were covered in poo and I was covered in pee. Oh I forgot to mention that while I was putting on Blowout #3 diaper on he peed all over my pants. Yes, thank you Conner. My dreams have come true!

On to blowout #4 for Tuesday. Mark got home and right before bed he pooped again. Now at this point I am thinking my milk was a little funky. Something had to have caused this havoc. I went over what I ate the day before. I could not think of one thing that would set him off like this.

Thankfully, Sunday came to a close. Monday was a good day.... slightly uneventful because he didn't poop at all. Not a single poop.

Tuesday came rolling around.... wow. I could have lived on Monday for the rest of my life. No objections. But no. Tuesday had to come with a furry. Not nearly as bad as Sunday, but definitely messier. Conner had splattered all over. Jumperoo's don't make things any easier. Jumperoo's and poo don't mix either. Blowout #5 and #6 came and went. Poop is poop no matter how you look at it.

And then finally, today. Wednesday. Conner had a big poop in the morning but nothing topped this evening. Wow. Mark was on the phone with my dad. He didn't hear Conner do the chant. I was sitting next to Conner as he was jumping around in his little Jumperoo as we were watching 'Monk'. I kindly gave him to Mark after he got off the phone and told him he was smelly and needed a bum cleaning. My living room started smelling like infant fecal matter. So Mark took him and said, "EWWWW! He leaked through his jammie!" I was shocked but taken away with laughter because I didn't really acknowledge the gravities of the damage done. Mark took him to his room and started to undress him. Ha ha ha. That is all my dear loved ones. HA HA FREAKING HA! I could not stop laughing for the life of me. I am still laughing as I am typing this. Wow. It was in his belly button which means it went through the back , front and only out the one side. That one side..... down the leg, into the toes. The smell.... HORRENDOUS! I had to just give him a bath. His room still has the hint of poo in the air. Its actually more than a hint. It just smells like a port-a-potty. Hence the febreeze. Who ever invented febreeze, I am forever in your debt.

You can't picture all the poop when you look at that face... can you?

 

Things I have learned in the time span of 4 days:

1. Wear air-tight, waterproof clothing when changing Conner. Galoshes are a included.

2. Take cover.

3. No such thing as too many wipes.

You Might Already Know

I never posted about Conner's Birth. I apologize. Life becomes overwhelming. What can you do?
So here are his stats:

Conner Don Monson

Wednesday November 10, 2010

8:46 a.m.

6 pounds 9.5 ounces

18 inches



Now my post is official. Thank goodness. It only took me 5 months to post it. Classy. 

5,000 pounds

I have found losing weight to be tedious, difficult, and disheartening. I think that two of the things I find the most difficult is that the weather has been so bipolar that it makes for a very inconsistent exercising schedule. That and the fact that I have no idea what to do with Conner.

Side note: Conner has this emotional attachment to me. But its not just any emotional attachment... Take this for example: I set Conner down so I can exercise (or things I would like to do by myself aka potty) . If it is past 3 or 4 in the afternoon... I swear he thinks ninjas dressed as clowns with crash through the windows and steal him away and feed him carrots and green beans (he hates carrots and green beans).

I am finding that when I cant set Conner down to clean or work on projects, I am munching. In fact, I cant stop munching. I want to lose weight but I end up feeling like I am starving. I think it is the stress of it all. Before Conner had surgery I was always holding him so that he wouldn't choke on his vomit or so that he wouldn't inhale the vomit he would project. Now he knows that if he cries he will always have me to hold him. Now it has become more stressful than ever.

Solution: So I am going to tell you a little secret. I have started to track my weight and food intake very closely. So closely I have started to take weekly pictures of myself in a sports bra and biker shorts so I can physically see my progress or my decline. I am doing this because I don't have a fancy iPhone or phone that has apps that keep track of your caloric intake. Also I think it is better for me to visually feel the progress. 

On a lighter note, Conner is finally in his crib! Bassinet goes bye bye! I am thrilled that he is sleeping through the night in his crib!

I am so grateful to be his mommy and I know Mark is grateful to be his daddy. I cant imagine my life without Conner. He really is a good baby. I know he  has his moments, but he is my little angel.

A crib and some sugar cookies.

I would love to post pictures but I just flat out don't have any. SO sorry. Anyways, Conner slept in his crib for the very first time! I am so glad the crib has finally been slept in. I was beginning to worry I would never have the guts to have Conner sleep in his very own room. Yes I am torn but at the same time... HALLELUJAH!

Oh and today we had the privilege to spend some good old fashioned quality time with our favorite Kerstin, Asia, Adalyn and Clara, Christian, and little Ben. They are so fun to be with. It was a little chaotic. Nonetheless, we still managed to make sugar cookies and frost them with neon frosting. Conner had a ball.... or I am sure he would have had a ball had he not fallen asleep.